“You cant get to courage without walking through vulnerability first”- Brene Brown
Hello! I’m back! Its been 4 months of work and growth and finally I’ve found my way back to this space. Thank you for those of you who encouraged me and walked me back here. So its 2016, and the topic of vulnerability has been fresh on my heart as well as my sister (who recently launched her website here!)She challenged her readers to share from a space of vulnerability with the hashtag #imnotperfect and I COULDN’T talk about being vulnerable without talking about it here first). Take this as a butt kicking pep talk into 2016, hopefully me sharing from my space will give you guys freedom to share in yours.
We all have fears and recently I’ve been stewing on some of my biggest fears, one in particular. Brene Brown says “When we loose our tolerance to be vulnerable, joy becomes foreboding.” Meaning when you can’t be vulnerable you cannot tap into the truth of what it means to be joyful. I completely agree. For me I’ve battled vulnerability in my relationships. As you know I went to boarding school in Kent, university in Nottingham and currently study at Le Cordon Bleu London, so that means I have always been in an international setting where I get to meet people from literally all over the world for more than half of my life. It might sound fun always shuffling between countries and going to schools far away from home but what nobody ever talks about is that the by-product of living an international life is that you learn to conduct in long distant relationships. With your parents, your siblings, your friends even with a significant other. I found that since the age of 16 it’s all I’ve been used to and it made me develop a long distant attitude as well.
When I was in university most of my friends were scattered around and the minute I moved back to London for culinary school they moved on too. You get used to FaceTime and whatsapp messages and sometimes Skype (all uncomfortable mediums for me) but you are always used to them leaving so you don’t hold on when they are around. What I know to be true is that it requires a lot more courage to connect than it does to isolate. I caught up with one of my best friends Chloe and in a space of an hour of conversation I was shocked at how much I had missed. I discovered that my pattern is that I get stuck on the goodbye and the potential of every new relationship ending that I don’t give myself the space to fully be present in it. Here’s a big truth, I equate the failure of some of my earliest relationships with distance or time but it really was my lack of trying that made them whither. Brene Brown explains that when we are in a state of joy we have that feeling like this is all too good to be true and then we are faced with vulnerability what I found was that from that realisation I shut of afraid, and dress rehearse tragedy instead of translating that feeling of fear into a deep gratitude for having experienced joy in the first place. I wonder how many of us do that?
The last four months away from my blog I was afraid to come back simply because I didn’t want to be vulnerable and admit that for the first time in my life I have no idea what will happen when Cordon Bleu is over. I am in a vulnerable state of deciding whether to return home to Nigeria, continue studying or take a chance and go somewhere uncharted to see what else is there for me but instead of accepting the unknown I avoided talking about it, I didn’t even talk to my sister about it until recently, and what a relief. My goal for 2016 is to try, to immerse myself with people and learn that although some people are in your life for a short season does not mean that it is final, as there will always be another season right around the corner. So, friends, I am extending the challenge to you. Pick an area in your life that you can afford to be more vulnerable in, share it with your friends and family and see how much of a difference it makes and if you’re still fearful (like me) just remember this:
“The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” –Theodore Roosevelt
At the end of the day all you can do is try and today for me that’s enough.
Here are a few pictures of what I have been up to over the last few months to see more follow me on instagram: yimikawo :
My team in the kitchen for the past 4 months, 2 months left and I will miss them so much
Sisterhood Christmas Connect group with some faves
the time we did 3D Chocolate Sculptures and I went with Dexter
Got to turn a practical class white chocolate mousse cake, into a 25th anniversary cake for my parents
My Christmas Asian spiced Ham
Made headway with our NGO Teach A Girl (TAG), we have 2 girls in full time education, and made plans for more!
Birthday cake I made for my friend Simi’s birthday
Banana salted caramel mousse for a plating class
Celebrating thanksgiving together
Exotic fruit mousse for another plating class
Me and some of my fellow pastry chefs, love them!
Bread class- country loaf
Till next time friends
Lots of love,