“Soothing the exhaustion in my soul,so I can fall back skyward,safe in your arms,
and survive to dream again.” ― Scott Hastie
Hello friends been a while! It always feel nice to come back to this space because it forces me to sit, to focus and to reevaluate. Can we all be honest for a minute? Real life hit me hard in these last few months. I mean slapped me picked me up only to push me down and it has been really hard, I mean a real struggle to hold on to happy. As a Christian we are always told that everything happens for a reason and whilst I believe this with every fibre of my being, they need to add a caveat -Everything happens for a reason but until you find that reason its a miserable wait for awakening-. For me I graduated from culinary school, moved back home to Nigeria. A Nigeria in recession. Left England in the midst of the shock of Brexit, spent a portion of my summer in New York, a place I decided I would go back to only to find that it will now be run by Mr Donald Trump. Eden has flourished and I am beyond thrilled with all the support I have received. I have one employee who helps me some days during the week. I wake up bake, do costings, go shopping for ingredients, find suppliers, find time to try recipes, finish whatever I am making, print receipts, do inventory and go to bed at a ridiculous hour. My last big job of 300 plates, with over 1,000 little intricate desserts left me exhausted and bruised. My Uncle who was at the event told me something that has been playing on my mind, he said “Everything is fantastic but you have to find a balance because you still have to have a life“.
At first I was confused because surely me carrying out my passion is having a life, but I realised that us millennials can so easily fall into a trap where we spend so much time chasing the dream that we leave a life behind. We start working earlier, CEOs share the same birthdays with my little cousins, We work and work and work but to what end? The pressure is endless! And as I pondered I realised I was not reading, not tuning into God who ultimately gives me balance, I was snappy, honestly alone a lot of the time because who else will be with me at 2am in the kitchen when I decide to quickly throw in another swiss roll for good measure? I recently started working at a Media company on as a production assistant on a few of their projects too but I’ve got OTHER dreams to remember. Like the dream in my heart to work in New York, the dream to write for a food magazine, the dream to travel, the dream to actually find love, the dream to have a family, the dream to own a farm. My Eden dream has taken off but I can not exist purely on it, and here comes the hard truth to tell… it is not enough, all of this is not enough. My biggest fear will be to wake up one morning and realise that all I have to show for this life will be my accomplishments and not my living. I don’t want to live a life where I never did too much of anything because I was too afraid. What a waste right? So I have come up with a few helpful pointers that I am working through now:
- Steep your soul– Get protective about what comes to you, at you and for you. I operate at a very high frequency all the time, I take in people’s energy more than I would like to admit so being around negativity only breeds negativity. As I walk through my road of trails I must be around positivity, take a pill of it everyday to keep me out of depression and keep my head above the water. So if anything does not speak to you, stir you or ignite you, light that match and walk away. Your life will thank you later.
2.Chase the fear– This one I battle with all the time, I’ve been wanting to do a fringe for the longest time so I took my own advice and finally did it, still not sure how I feel about it but hey at least I tried it. It is often said that we don’t thank our fears enough, that they are there to keep us alive. Honestly I hate my fears because it always manages to destabilise me but what you have to do is fight the fear with a little bit more wonder. Be a little bit more curious about something than more fearful of it. And write it down! I recently did a job board and I put down everything I wanted from a job, it was very scary to see the words all together but the more I pass by it everyday the more I believe I can get it. And although I don’t know the job title I am working towards, as I sift thorough job applications I don’t spend time on anything that does not encompass at least a few of these words. So I find I am less fearful of the process itself. It is our responsibility to calm our fears. So every time you get scared aim to get more curious and if you can’t, then let that fear win. It just means climbing that mountain would not be worth your while because you don’t have the level of interest it requires.
3. Be more Childlike not Childish– One of my favourite writers Elizabeth Gilbert said “You have to be childlike in pursuit of your life not childish.” This means, walk through life with open eyes constantly searching for the good in every situation; Taking risks. Rather than childish meaning I want it I worked hard for it I should get it and being bitter when it does not come to you. The grown up truth is sometimes hard work does not pay off, sometimes you don’t get what you want but if you stay the path, be true to yourself no matter the circumstance you will find yourself running YOUR race until you finally, finally are standing still.
Here are a few pictures of what I’ve been making and what I’ve been up to:
New Years Eve with my favourite people in the world (my parents took the picture so I am counting them in too)
Christmas party deliveries- such a busy period
Recent flavour combo of butterscotch and bourbon thanks to my friend Aziza I’ve made tons of this since then
Valentine’s day Vanilla cupcakes with Rose & Zobo Reduction
My sister & I along with our friends hosted a Max your Life Dinner for our NGO Teach a Girl Nigeria. She did the mains and i did the desserts. Definitley a hiughlight of my year so far- chocolate brownie with rosemary cream and rosemary tuile.
My Grandma turned 80! So I went a bit nuts as you can tell 🙂
Had a fun painting day with my girls
Valentines day for my crew
Been doing a lot of these-butterscotch caramel, coconut, lemon and chocolate
My Job Board- everybody should really do this!
Lil old me with my fringe
Lots of love,